Focus on how you are FEELING. Check-In!
Nervous about being the center of attention?
Don't let the jitters escalate into full-blown panic!
First, I’ve never seen full-blown panic on the wedding day. So don’t worry about it. There will be enough to do and keep you occupied to steer you clear of it.
Second, Can you really get rid of the jitters? Well, Yes and No. In a way, they are part of our make-up and are unavoidable (to most of us). That said, they are one of the few things in life we can actually learn to practice controlling.
So, what are they, the jitters?
We all know what they feel like, we’ve felt them, but what's going on in our body? Well, what’s’ going on is our nervous system – which we all have– going towards the fight-or-flight mode. The Jitters are our body’s gearing up for fight-or-flight and this actually, if you think about it, makes a lot of sense. A lot of it has to do with being up in front of people – in other words, Exposed! Even with the first thought of standing up in front of others, our body starts gearing us up for fight-or-flight because... well, that's what our ancestors were bred to do out on the savanna. So even by thinking, imagining ourselves being exposed, we start immediately tapping into that stress response. By scanning the environment looking for threats (I won't name any names), we’re automatically gearing ourselves up. And then, when we’re experiencing the jitters, all our attention focuses on that, our enemy, our jitters. And it ends up being a vicious cycle, a feedback loop, which keeps us in the jitters.
Here are some tips
Alcohol:
I do not recommend, though it may be tempting, to consume alcohol before getting up to the altar, for two reasons. One is that it impairs our rational mind, our rational thinking. What if something outrageous happens? (Just kidding). Alcohol’s been shown to put our decision-making faculties in default, non-thinking, mode. In other words, we stop making rational decisions and are at the mercy of our nervous-system, and our fight or flight. This could be a mess. Alcohol also makes some of us feel a little fuzzy and off-balance, which is nice at times... but maybe not-so-good when you're saying "I do" (and think of the photos). The second reason to post-pone consuming alcohol is that it’s dehydrating. You want to stay hydrated so that you’ll feel better and think clearer. That is all just advice. If you do drink alcohol for nerves or tradition before the big walk I won't think any less of you. I promise.
Food:
It's important to eat ... but not right before you go to the altar. You do not want your digestive system competing with your brain and nervous system for resources.
Eat in the morning and then brush your teeth. You'll be glad you did. Couples often forget or just don’t feel like eating early on their big day. But even if you’re having a morning ceremony, please don’t skip breakfast. You think you have a lot to do before the ceremony? You’ll have a lot to do after, too. So keep you’re energy up. Often I see couples taking care of the guests, getting pictures taken, and forgetting to eat or drink water! You hear stories of couples fainting during the ceremony or reception… though I have never seen it, I suspect it’s due to forgetting to take care of themselves. Remember to eat a little, drink water, move around once in a while, and sit down when you're feeling tired or dizzy. It's a big day.
Comfort:
Surround yourself with things that make you happy. Especially if you're going to be away from home, have some comfort things with you. Your day will be disrupted enough. You might a well have something(s) be consistent. And don’t forget your little routines and rituals that you normally do during the day. Speaking of rituals, sports stars and rock stars (even golf stars) have little rituals, especially when they are "on" – because rituals work to help them (and you) relax, focus, and be your best! A good one to have before anything, especially before anything that might make you nervous or stressed-out, is to pay attention to your breathing and to pay attention to how you are feeling. (I'll offer some great pre-performance rituals and routines in Zen for Your Wedding Day – Parts 2 and 3)
Feel:
Shifting your focus to your body also starts you into the process of relaxation. And that’s what ‘having presence’ is: Being present. When you are present you are not caught up in thinking about the future or the past. How to be present? Just concentrate on sensation. Feel what you are feeling, inside. Butterflies? Heart palpitations? Just feel and notice them without judgement. Feel the bottoms of your feet touching the floor, or the palms of your hands. What the air feel like? What does the top of your head feel like? What is your balance like?
Breathing:
Focus on your breathing for a minute or two. Close your eyes and just breathe normally. Bringing your attention to your breathing does two things: 1) It will give you a little gauge on how you’re doing (tight and fast breathing usually indicates stress, while slow and relaxed breathing usually means you’re calm and at ease. 2) It will actually help you relax, center, and focus. Focusing on your breathing for a couple minutes brings your awareness inwards, and that helps you shift from a nervous fight-or-flight state to a relaxed, comfortable and confident state.
A quick tip: When you inhale your heart-rate goes up a little, and when you exhale your heart-rate goes down a little. So when you’re a little stressed, extend a couple of exhalations in a row. Breathe in, count up to five (or whatever). Then, as you breathe out, just extend your exhalation a little (e.g. count to six). Just squeeze out a little bit more air, and then allow your natural inhalation, your natural in-breath, to come.
That’s one way of controlling your body through your breath.
Bottom line: Focus on how you are FEELING. Check-In!
Please check back for more tips. And please share any others you have found to be helpful.
