Zen Wedding

What is a Zen Wedding?

Weddings may be the most "Zen" of all ceremonies. They are not only a commitment to giving, caring, and sharing– they are a commitment to the "Great Unknown" and to "not knowing." In marriage you are dedicating your life to the unknown, to something bigger than just yourself. Marriage is a commitment to moving beyond what we think we know, and who we think we are. It is an act of bravery and selfless love. It is the blending of two life paths, and two traditions, forming a new tradition that will be remembered and shared. The Zen weddings I perform are unique to the couple. They can be a blending of tradition and symbolism with the energy and intentions of the couple. Each is a very unique and profound experience. And no two are alike.

What is a traditional Zen Wedding?

There is no traditional Zen wedding ceremony. The traditional Zen ceremonies are the funeral rituals and the taking of precept rituals, which include lay ordination (Jukai, or Jukai Tokudo) and monk ordination (Shukke Tokudo). A religious Zen Buddhist wedding, though non-traditional, will most likely involve the chanting of sutras and/or dharanis and the giving and receiving of the lay ordination precepts. This religious wedding should be preformed by a fully ordained Zen priest, and is usually only preformed for their students or disciples, often with the sangha (the community) in attendance. This is not the type of wedding I have to offer, though I am happy to incorporate aspects of it.

Wedding Music

The music during your wedding can be very important, especially if there are a lot of people. It cues participants. It let's everybody know what's happening and when there is a transition. It's in the background and pleasant and subconscious - not a blaring announcement. The more recognizable and traditional the music, the easier it will be for many, especially the older, people to follow along. That said, your wedding should be uniquely yours. That means chose music that you like, that is important or special to you and your wedding party. Your music can be recorded or live, played by a musician or group or sung a capella. Or choose no music. If your wedding ceremony takes place in a natural setting, you might really like having the music of the wild birds, or wind through the trees, or water flowing. The choice is yours.

Here's a great site with a lot of wedding song suggestions: http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-songs

Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding

The 4 elements of a Wedding Ceremony (or Marriage Celebration):

As long as you have these 4 , you have a wedding

1. everybody (the couple, officiant, and witnesses) congregates,
2. the wedding couple make vows to each other and engage in a symbolic gesture of commitment,
3. the officiant recognizes and pronounces the couple as married,
4. everybody celebrates this change in their lives and status,
5. everybody leaves

Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding

The order of these elements can change. The elements themselves can change.

1. Procession …
2. Greeting…“Welcome ….”
3. Wedding Message…
4. Vows
5. Exchange of Rings…(or other symbolic exchange)
6. Pronouncement
7. Kiss, embrace
8. Recessional & Introduction of the couple as married
9. Announcement of reception or other events to follow Any and all of this can change.

Personalizing Your Ceremony

Consider additions to the ceremony to make it more meaningful to you both or your families, such as…

1. Meaningful poetry read by the couple, family members or friends
2. A blessing or prayer offered by a family member or friend
3. Musical interlude by family members, friends, or others (Are there singers or other musicians in your family or wedding party?)
4. A symbolic event or gesture, such as a Unity Candle, Sand Pouring, or Hand-Fasting ceremony.
5. A “Giving away of the bride” by one or both of her parents which would usually come after the Greeting.
6. A public blessing or vow of support which includes the guests in the ceremony and encourages their participation.

Most Important

Most importantly, the ceremony should be meaningful and respectful to you and to all you invite.