photos taken by Becca! @Rebecca Harbaugh Fine Art Photography
Adding Ceremonies to Your Ceremony
Your Wedding Ceremony should be uniquely yours. You are making your own tradition, using the symbolism that is important and special to you. Your ceremony can be as simple or as complex as you want it. It can be brief and succinct, or long and elaborate.
Timing
Often the first concern of the couple seems to be the timing. They don’t want it too long for a couple of reasons, usually reasons of comfort. They don’t want family or friends sitting or standing in the hot sun, or anywhere, for an unbearably long time. They, the couple, don’t want to be standing in front of everyone for an unbearably long time. And above all, they don’t want the ceremony to be boring and tedious for anybody! I absolutely guarantee you, your ceremony is not going to be boring, at all! No matter how long or short it is. As long as it is a ceremony that agrees with you and expresses (symbolically or otherwise) what you want expressed; it will be beautiful, perfect, and interesting – to everybody. And it will go by a lot faster than you ever imagined. And then it will only be a memory. So make sure that it is just what you want, and don’t worry about anybody thinking it is too long, too outrageous, too short, or too anything. As long as it’s about you, it will be perfect!
Often the first concern of the couple seems to be the timing. They don’t want it too long for a couple of reasons, usually reasons of comfort. They don’t want family or friends sitting or standing in the hot sun, or anywhere, for an unbearably long time. They, the couple, don’t want to be standing in front of everyone for an unbearably long time. And above all, they don’t want the ceremony to be boring and tedious for anybody! I absolutely guarantee you, your ceremony is not going to be boring, at all! No matter how long or short it is. As long as it is a ceremony that agrees with you and expresses (symbolically or otherwise) what you want expressed; it will be beautiful, perfect, and interesting – to everybody. And it will go by a lot faster than you ever imagined. And then it will only be a memory. So make sure that it is just what you want, and don’t worry about anybody thinking it is too long, too outrageous, too short, or too anything. As long as it’s about you, it will be perfect!
What should your symbolism be? Your symbolism should express what you care about. Rather than have symbolism or an additional ceremony just to spice it up, I would rather the couple focus on just what is important to them. Sometimes it is the simplicity of their relationship that is most important. Sometimes it is about the complexity. Sometimes it is the connection with family – past, present, and future. Sometimes it is just about the here-and-now. “Growing, caring, sharing, giving, continuity, respect and honor” are just some of the aspects of a relationship that couples often like to symbolize through an additional ceremony.
If you choose to add an additional ceremony to your wedding ceremony, make it your own: Feel free to change the text, the order of events, the symbolism.
Here are just some examples of additional ceremonies couples have added. The list of ceremonies available to you is endless.
Blessings
Have a family member or friend, or several, offer a blessing(s).
Poetry
You, your family members, or friends can read poetry.
Candle Lighting
Often called The Unity Candle. The couple can each light a tapered candle, and then with it, together, light a larger (unity) candle. Other family members, friends, or all present can also help light (or be illuminated by) the candle
Sand Pouring
Similar to the Unity Candle. Variations could be adding sand or earth from your favourite places. You could invite guests to bring sand or earth from their favourite places.
Hand-fasting
Couples choose cords. Sometimes each cord has its own vow or set of vows for the couple. Any number of cords will do, so choose a number significant for you. The cords can be made of anything you choose, so the material (and color) can be very significant to you, too. The cords are tied together and then slipped off the hands and put in a special cloth or box. This is the ancient practice that brought us the phrase “to tie the knot.”
San San Ku Do (3-3-9, Sake Sipping Ceremony)
Traditionally, the officiant pours sake (Japanese rice wine) 3 times into a cup for the Bride and a cup for the Groom. The Bride and Groom then drink the cups of sake in 3 sips. The cups are then filled 2 more times, and each time the Bride and Groom each drink the cup in 3 sips. Three times three. The first cup of sake drunk by the couple is in honor of their union and future life together. The second is in honor of their parents. And the third honors their ancestors and the whole world.
Tree Planting
The planting of the tree symbolizes a couple's strong connection to, and respect for, the earth and all of nature. It also represents their commitment to the growing and nurturing of their relationship.
Bell Ringing
The ringing of the bell (or the Singing Bowl) can begin a silent meditation period of any length, or not. The emanating tone can represent the couple’s emanating love that grows to include all.
Vows to Family
Couples can include family members and special friends to be a part of the ceremony by offering vows for the couple to make to each other, or to others.
Your Wedding Ceremony is very special and unique to you. It is a very powerful ceremony that will have a lasting effect on all present. You should feel free to invent your own ceremony.
If you need help getting started, you can start by thinking about: What is important to you? Where are your favorite places? What are your favorite things to do together? How do you wish to impact the world? What are your favorite shared memories? Take symbolism and elements from your own life. If you would like help with this, that is what I'm here for! I'm happy to help you find the perfect symbolism for the ceremony that marks the rest of your life together.
Little Things
The Kiss: Mine was totally awkward! Also, think: make-up! A nice buss? A sexy dip with the kiss? A heart-felt peck? Take a minute or two to plan it. Just a little. But in the heat - of - the - moment, if things turn out differently than planned, that's okay too :)
The Walk up (and down) the Aisle: Tradition is for all the guys to walk on the right side, elbow bent at 90ยบ, left hand in a loose fist on abdomen; and for all the gals on the left, with right arm threading from behind and resting on his left arm. Traditionally everyone walks at a normal, relaxed pace. The Bride usually walks slower, because of the dress, the shoes, and the sheer emotional thrill and surprise of it all. That said, feel free to bring your own personality into it. If you and your wedding party love to dance, maybe you should dance!
The First Dance: Not a must, but practicing your first dance can help tremendously. It will help you put on a great show and help you decide how to do that (sometimes awkward) segue of getting the parents and then all the guests out on the floor.
Fee's (and other things) the Guests might not be expecting: Keep your guests, and ALL people involved, in the loop. What kind of drive will they expect to the venue? Will it be somewhere where an access fee is required? What kind of shoes should they wear? (Will they be aerating the lawn with their stilletos? I recommend to bring an extra pair of shoes.) Is the area known to be very windy? ...
Wedding Location Surprises: You are expecting grass, but get astroturf. Should the venue have kept you apprised? I think so, but that doesnt make it reality... check in periodically with the people you are counting on for the perfect wedding. Maybe even visit the location before the date, if you can, just to make sure all is coming according to plan.
Ask the Photographer questions: will they be there at your beck-and-call, or will they have to leave, and miss important moments. A great photographer will gently remind you of what YOU said were important pictures to take. They will then, unobtrusively, remind you of the flow as the event unfolds. Invite guests to take a lot of pictures, too – just in case.
How can you be prepared for anything (and everything)? Control what you can. Let go of the rest.
Remember you will have to be spontaneous. Things happen. Reality is reality, no matter if it's against the grain of "How it SHOULD be!" After all, your sanity is more important than any little (or big) snafu. Take care of yourself. Strive to see all in a positive light.
A little planning, can go a long way. Even "full-on choreography" can be fun and useful. It helps you set the stage, even if everything manifests completely differently than planned.You'll be more relaxed and excited if you have a plan. You'll even be MORE prepared for the things that go awry, when you have a plan but stay flexible. Insert yourself, your personality, into your event by putting forethought into even the littlest of things.
Older Photos
Snowbird
Red Butte Gardens
The Lowell, Park City, UT
La Jolla, CA
Eden, UT
Pierpont Place
Alta Lodge
Ceremony Location
Location, location, location!
Some great venues where I've preformed weddings:
Some things to consider when choosing a location:
Some great venues where I've preformed weddings:
- Alta Lodge, Little Cottonwood Canyon, Alta, UT
- Alta Ski Resort, on the slopes, Little Cottonwood Canyon, Alta, UT
- Aspen Landing, Taylorsville, UT
- Cactus and Tropicals, Salt Lake City, UT
- Cactus and Tropicals, Draper, UT
- Conrad Ranch, Provo, UT
- Grand America Hotel, Salt Lake City, UT
- Great Salt Lake & Salt Flats
- Jeremiah's, Best Western, Ogden, UT
- La Caille Restaurant, Sandy, UT
- Liberty Park, Salt Lake City, UT
- Log Haven, Millcreek Canyon, Salt Lake City, UT
- Louland Gardens, UT (formerly known as Rose Sach's Gardens)
- The Lowell Hotel Lodge, Park City Resort, Park City, UT
- Market Street Grill, Cottonwood, SLC, UT
- Millcreek Inn, Millcreek Canyon, Salt Lake City, UT
- Memorial House, Memory Grove
- Noah's, South Jordan, UT
- Noah's, Lindon, UT
- Old Meeting House, Salt Lake City, UT
- Park City Ski resort
- Pierpont Place, Salt Lake City, UT
- Red Butte Gardens, Salt Lake City, UT
- Silver Fork Lodge, Brighton, UT
- Snowbird , Little Cottonwood Canyon, Alta, UT
- Tuscany, Salt Lake City, UT
- Wadley Farms, Lindon, UT
- Wasatch Mountain Lodge, Brighton, UT
- Camp grounds
- Private residences
Some things to consider when choosing a location:
- The formality of the wedding. Will the ceremony be casual or formal. Of course you can have a formal ceremony in the woods, but it might be more difficult.
- Accessibility. Consider older participants and guests or people who may need special assistance. Will there be a lot of stairs or hiking involved? Is it wheel chair accessible?
- Weather contingencies. What time of year will your wedding take place and what will be the most likely weather? Do you or does the venue have a back-up plan for an out-door wedding in case of rain, cold, or excessive heat?
- Number of participants.
- Travel distance and time between wedding and reception and lodging.
- Scheduling. Time of day, or night. Day of week. Time of year. Special dates. To get a very specific and special time/day/date I strongly recommend scheduling everything well in advance.
Wedding Music
Here's a great site with a lot of wedding song suggestions: http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-songs
Getting a Handle on Your Vows
Vows! This is the part of the ceremony where you get to speak from the heart, in front of an audience. It's the part where you declare your love, your intentions and your commitment. It's the part everybody has travelled far and wide to see and hear. It's intensely personal, and intensely public. Arghhhh!
Don't worry about it.
You can write your own vows, or we can find others that are appropriate to you.
Your vows can be elaborate or simple. They can take any form or order you choose.
You can recite or read them yourself, repeat them after the officiant, or simply answer "I do" after a series of questions (or one big question).
How you handle your vows is up to you.
The possibilities might be limitless. But, for starters...
Here are 4 examples of ways you can structure your vows:
Here are 4 examples of ways you can structure your vows:
1) Simple Vows with “I do” response:
• “Do you ________ take ________ to be your ________? Do you…?” “I do”
• “Do you ________ take ________ to be your ________? Do you…?” “I do”
• “Do you ________ take ________ to be your ________? Do you…?” “I do”
Often couples like to include the first line of these simple “I do” vows after their other vows.
2) Personalized Vows: (These can be read by you, or read by me to have you repeat. It doesn't matter who goes first, the Bride or Groom.)
Groom: (he speaks)…
Bride: (she speaks…)
3) Simple Vows you can repeat (this is just an example)
I, __________, take you, _________, --to be my husband, my partner in life --and my one true love. --Your Beauty, Heart, & Mind inspire me --to be the best person I can be. --I will cherish our union --and love you more each day --than I did the day before. --I will trust you and respect you, --laugh with you and cry with you, --loving you faithfully --through good times and bad --regardless of the obstacles --we may face together. --I give you my heart, --my love,-- my everything, --from this day forward --and all of eternity.
I, ___________, take you, __________, --to be my wife, my partner in life --and my one true love. --Your Beauty, Heart, & Mind inspire me --to be the best person I can be. --I will cherish our union --and love you more each day --than I did the day before. --I will trust you and respect you, --laugh with you and cry with you, --loving you faithfully --through good times and bad --regardless of the obstacles --we may face together. --I give you my heart, --my love,-- my everything, --from this day forward --and all of eternity.
4) More elaborate vows, with "I do" response: (this is just an example)
• Do you, _________ and ___________, pledge to help each other in developing your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, patience, enthusiasm, and wisdom, as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life, and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“we do”
• Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions?
“we do”
• Do you pledge to work for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom, and skill? Do you pledge to remember the harmfulness of ignorance, anger and clinging attachment, and recall the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them?
“we do”
• Recognizing that the external conditions in life will not always be smooth and that internally, your own minds and emotions will sometimes get challenged by negativity, do you pledge to see all these circumstances as opportunities to grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other?
“we do”
• Do you pledge to rest on each other in all sorrows and to minister to each other in all pain?
“we do”
• Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example, and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“we do”
• Do you pledge to cultivate gratitude for the boundless gifts you have received?
“we do”
Special ceremonies can have their own special set of vows. For example, there are vows specifically tailored for Hand-fasting, Unity Candle, and Rose Ceremonies.
However you handle your vows, the choice is up to you! And I am very happy to help.
Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding
The 4 elements of a Wedding Ceremony (or Marriage Celebration):
As long as you have these 4 , you have a wedding
- everybody (the couple, officiant, and witnesses) congregates,
- the wedding couple make vows to each other and engage in a symbolic gesture of commitment,
- the officiant recognizes and pronounces the couple as married,
- everybody celebrates this change in their lives and status,
- everybody leaves
Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding
The order of these elements can change. The elements themselves can change.
- Procession …
- Greeting…“Welcome ….”
- Wedding Message…
- Vows
- Exchange of Rings…(or other symbolic exchange)
- Pronouncement
- Kiss, embrace
- Recessional & Introduction of the couple as married
- Announcement of reception or other events to follow Any and all of this can change.
Personalizing Your Ceremony
Consider additions to the ceremony to make it more meaningful to you both or your families, such as…
- Meaningful poetry read by the couple, family members or friends
- A blessing or prayer offered by a family member or friend
- Musical interlude by family members, friends, or others (Are there singers or other musicians in your family or wedding party?)
- A symbolic event or gesture, such as a Unity Candle, Sand Pouring, or Hand-Fasting ceremony.
- A “Giving away of the bride” by one or both of her parents which would usually come after the Greeting.
- A public blessing or vow of support which includes the guests in the ceremony and encourages their participation.
Most Important
Most importantly, the ceremony should be meaningful and respectful to you and to all you invite.
"To do, to do!" - Legalities
Before "I do":
The Marriage License
Where:
Getting married in Utah, you need a Utah marriage license. You can get them at County Clerk offices. Most are valid throughout the state. See below for offices.
What you will need:
• I.D. for proof of identification and age
• Parental consent (if you are under 18. See county website for more information.)
• $50.00 license fee by cash, check, money order, MasterCard or Visa
When: Marriage license must be used within 30 days. No refunds or extensions will be given. Unused licenses are still the property of the state and must be returned.
Who: Both people must appear in person at the office. See these websites for locations.
Salt Lake County
Weber County
Utah County
Davis County
Summit County
After “I do”: Name Changes
You will receive your certified copy/copies of the Marriage Certificate shortly after the wedding officiant has mailed in the signed completed certificate. You will then need to contact the Social Security and Department of Public Safety offices.
You may also need to provide copies of your Marriage Certificate to your bank, employer, Post Office, insurance company, etc। If you have a passport you will need to update it. You will also need to update your voter registration.
More links with Utah info:
For more information on US marriage laws, please visit: http://www.usmarriagelaws.com/
For more information on marriage in Utah visit:
http://www.utcourts.gov/howto/marriage/
For more information on marriage in Salt Lake County:
http://www.clerk.slco.org/marriage/
"Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great."
Here are some tips on having a more relaxed marriage:
- Set realistic expectations. Acknowledge that there are just some things that you will not like about your partner all the time.
- Focus on the positive. Make a list of 10 characteristics you actually adore—or at least tolerate—in your spouse. "When you turn your concentration to what is going well, it motivates you to keep going in that direction."
- Discuss the behavior, not your spouse's personality. This allows your partner to change. And be careful to use the word "I" and not "you." (It is helpful to say: "I get upset when you leave your underwear on the bathroom floor." It's not beneficial to say, "You are a slob," even if it's true.)
- Find the right time and place to discuss an annoying habit. Right after work or as your spouse is drifting off to sleep is not it. You might want to send your partner an email during the day asking to discuss a certain behavior later.
- Be prepared to compromise. Didn't your mother ever teach you that you can be right or you can be happy? Choose happy.
- If all else fails, go to bed mad. When you are tired you become irrational. You'll probably have more perspective in the morning.
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